Voice of an enlightened heart

When the music fades
and the strangers leave
I want to come home to a voice
to a memory
of times that have been
and those that will be.

The wealth of the world
the riches that we see
will come to nil
it will be only you and me
for love you are
and love you will always be.

The end is the beginning
before the start you knew me
you sent me here
for the world to see
your glory and mercy
working through me.

Words are not enough
and sometimes words I don't need
to feel you around
you are my saviour, my king
from forever to forever
you are and will be.

Love notes to my Master

These voices, I wish they'd leave
In paradise, I wish I could believe

I didn't doubt you
At least I never meant to
I doubted me, I always do

I love you
I know you love me back
I don't love me, though I tried a shot at that

Will you forgive me?
I think you're waiting for me to ask
Let me forget everything in your embrace

In perfect love there is no fear
I might feel distant but you are always near

Here I am, take my grief
Come, fill me with your peace

We

You know what really connects me to a stranger...just plain human emotion. No differentiation on where we are from, no cultural baggage, no unnecessary formal behaviour.

Inside we’re all just the same without realising it. When all the make-up is removed and the perfume gone, it’s just skin that breathes and feels.

We can raise walls all around and eventually get lost but there are some moments when they break, without much effort.

For me this is the affirmation that there are good people out there whose paths have not yet crossed mine.

This doesn't happen too often and when it does I just cherish the moment.

The way to a woman's heart

My friend seems to think that the way to a woman's heart is through a shopping mall. Hmmm...

When I am low with only me to my rescue, I have been able to cheer myself up with old tricks that work well even now. Yes it does involve clothes and shoes at time but not necessarily shopping.

When the moods drive me insane and I need to shut every voice that isn't mine, I try on clothes. Some of them I have never worn or will probably never wear or I put on that (red) lipstick that the world cannot be allowed to see or those pair of shoes that are lying in wait of a party where I don't have to walk at all...

I spend time with myself and can make me smile in a way that no boy can.

I let my hair down for those precious minutes because no one is looking and I pose in front of the mirror...for me.

Only I know which clothes make me look absolutely wow. And that I will never wear them in front of another human being. That's because I can still see that love(ly) handle showing but it doesn't matter as only I know. Just the fun of this exercise is good enough to get over a silly mood.

Second best to that is sharing such moments with girlfriends. Only girls can understand other girls, in some things particularly.

There's a reason we go to loo in pairs, and there are reasons why we hug so much, and we have lots to say to each other in the ear. Only we know what our best features are, why we cry, what pain really means, why we get upset when boys talk of porn and that we don't like naughty jokes after a point.

From where I am looking at it, only a woman knows the way to her heart. Men can try to find out. Men should try.

I'm over my silly mood. Just hope my swollen eyes don't give away my little secret tomorrow.

****
Dedicated to all the women who can connect with the thought and those who helped me get over my moods.

Homecoming

Seeking a release I came. I saw and was conquered again.
Found the treasure but it slipped through my finger.
My silence didnt need a listner, my mind forgot fear.
I revisited my self and I was me once more.
Familiar faces, familiar touch, but only for a moment, only this much.

****
Coming home does all this to you and more.

In the now

Sometimes you just have to believe
there is no other way.
Nobody can prepare you for life
or can they?
What is wrong and what is right
at this point I cannot say.
How do I do this
what is living my life my way?
Who stands in judgement
besides me and my?
Was I happy then
or am I happy now?

The winter tale

There's a song in my head
A memory in my heart

An unfufilled wish
A secret desire

Loneliness for company
And the cold for comfort

How many years to this day?

I do not understand why today I have been feeling quite old. I have recollected events form the past and been amazed at the number of years between then and now.

That's not supposed to happen at all today. Today I am supposed to get upset about the world going ooh and aah about things and yet be happy I have so many loving people around me.

This has got to be weirder than all the other Valentine's days that have gone by.

And frankly I don't like this feeling. Its been 8 years since that happened and 6 since that. This is the stuff birthdays are made of. Then why today?

Am I officially entering the phase where I look back at what I have achieved. No! I'd rather ooh and aah and listen to mushy songs.

Is life getting back at me?

Jean-e-tically

My life is a pair of jeans
The more fun I have
The tighter it seems

I could do with a new one
But there is no time
And no place to run

I wanted to get it right
But realised long back
There is no perfect fit

A little crinkled,a little faded
It stands in its shades
Life gets a bit jaded

Me, Chocolate, Fuck

I had 3 ideas in my head about what I wanted to write today. But not feeling well was threatening their presence on the blog.Then I thought I shouldn’t let all that thinking go waste.

So here I give you the 3 ideas quite briefly in one post.

First- 'Fuck' is not such a blasphemous word. My teachers use it here ever so often and judging by that it is acceptable if used in the right circumstance.

Like when you lose a story you just wrote or when the world seems too bad and you say 'fuck it' to survive. I must admit it has helped me out of many a tough spots.

(You probably know this but I'm easing my guilt at using it more often lately).

Second- There's isn’t much that a good helping of chocolate cannot solve. When today I didn’t feel too good I put some chocolate spread on bread and ate it and I felt much better instantly.

(But I must remind you that the emphasis is on the quantity of chocolate).

Third- by some weird twist I have completely forgotten the third thing I was going to say. I tried to recall it but zilch came back.

Ah fuck it! I'll eat some chocolate...

Been around...

My holiday's over. I'm back to classes now. The effects of the vacation can be seen....no its not a tan but the extra inches I have around me.

But I love the fact that the jeans are tighter (way to go mom!)and that I may look a little healthier.

I have been around for a while but didn't find time to blog. Thoughts have made it to the drafts of the blog but not beyond and just lay there.

Good that one of my new year resolutions was not updating the blog regularly or I'd have broken that one right away. But hopefully all that should change now.

Guess I need some more dedication, inspiration, perseverance and......ah I'll be regular.

But here are some lines from earlier this year that did not make it:

Chocolate and ice cream giving me company
New Year and Christmas are history

Back to work for me
No late mornings for this busy bee

I’ve already labelled my mountains
And here again it begins

Roll up those sleeves and tie the wild mane
It’s an uphill ride, it ain’t no game

In me

In my reality I am The Princess
In my reality there are no other voices
In my reality triumph has always been mine
In my reality dissent is a big crime

In my world music lifts the soul
In my world my voices reach all
In my world I will stand as I stand, like I stood
In my world no one else can, no one else really could

In my head there are no drugs or junkies
In my head no one messes life for a little ecstasy
In my head I play the tune and others dance
In my head love and hate find a balance

In me every battle ends in victory
And each day becomes My Story
******
Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Am I? Am I not?

I’m not good because I did what I was told

I’m not bad because sometimes I can be cold

I’m not alive because time passes by

I’m not dead because I can still laugh and cry

I’m not pretty because mirrors come close to the truth

I’m not ugly because all truth is not absolute

I’m not a winner because I won a race

I’m not a loser because I did it all with faith

I’m not any of these
Yet what else could I possibly be?



I think alot and have many questions...