Voice of an enlightened heart

When the music fades
and the strangers leave
I want to come home to a voice
to a memory
of times that have been
and those that will be.

The wealth of the world
the riches that we see
will come to nil
it will be only you and me
for love you are
and love you will always be.

The end is the beginning
before the start you knew me
you sent me here
for the world to see
your glory and mercy
working through me.

Words are not enough
and sometimes words I don't need
to feel you around
you are my saviour, my king
from forever to forever
you are and will be.

Why

Why must we prove ourselves to others?
Why do the right words fail to come out?
Why do jealousy and love spring from the same place?
Why can't we open up when we are most vulnerable?

Why does faith stumble when fear arrives?
Why does love not feel enough sometimes?
Why can a moment of sadness destroy a lifetime of joy?
Why do feelings matter?

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We all have our questions. Why do we need answers?

Truth about me

Making difficult decisions, meeting people from the past, facing insecurities of today-nothing is easy. Yet we move because life moves and we must follow and obey. Through all this I decide to be me. The past is a shadow of my victories and failures, the future a vision of goals that have yet to be materialised. In today lies my only chance at life. I live it, I breathe it, as me. No lies, no masks, only the truth... for all to see.

Love notes to my Master

These voices, I wish they'd leave
In paradise, I wish I could believe

I didn't doubt you
At least I never meant to
I doubted me, I always do

I love you
I know you love me back
I don't love me, though I tried a shot at that

Will you forgive me?
I think you're waiting for me to ask
Let me forget everything in your embrace

In perfect love there is no fear
I might feel distant but you are always near

Here I am, take my grief
Come, fill me with your peace

We

You know what really connects me to a stranger...just plain human emotion. No differentiation on where we are from, no cultural baggage, no unnecessary formal behaviour.

Inside we’re all just the same without realising it. When all the make-up is removed and the perfume gone, it’s just skin that breathes and feels.

We can raise walls all around and eventually get lost but there are some moments when they break, without much effort.

For me this is the affirmation that there are good people out there whose paths have not yet crossed mine.

This doesn't happen too often and when it does I just cherish the moment.

Almost home

When you are away from home the nearby restaurant becomes your kitchen. And when that kitchen reminds you of images from back home its all the more special. Some parts of London have a distinct Indian flavour like Wembley where we went out to eat yesterday.

Getting down from the all too typical red bus you are moments away from feeling desi. And the transformation starts soon, as the mangoes sold on the street (yeah just like back home) seem to look Indian. Enter S's and you can just about forget London except for the English speaking waiters and the white customers.

Small place with just the basics-tables and chairs. The fat boss who runs the show with the thinner boys who perfectly fit my description of bhaiyas make you feel you have crossed the continent and landed on the country famous for its spices.

I have been a little wary of eating out because some dishes gave my stomach a bit of a tough time. But now in London where the food is not even salty, the chances of a bad stomach do reduce a little bit.

So we place the order which bhaiya takes down on his little notepad and moments later I am just too delighted that I came. In the wait for the food, three Asian looking men sit at a table next to us and stare quite evidently. Good food, almost friendly neighbours, now isn't that a deja vu of sorts.

But hey I paid in pounds. Then I remembered dad saying no compromise on food, so I was happy again.

The morning after the paneer gives my stomach a slight ache. That felt like home, almost..

The way to a woman's heart

My friend seems to think that the way to a woman's heart is through a shopping mall. Hmmm...

When I am low with only me to my rescue, I have been able to cheer myself up with old tricks that work well even now. Yes it does involve clothes and shoes at time but not necessarily shopping.

When the moods drive me insane and I need to shut every voice that isn't mine, I try on clothes. Some of them I have never worn or will probably never wear or I put on that (red) lipstick that the world cannot be allowed to see or those pair of shoes that are lying in wait of a party where I don't have to walk at all...

I spend time with myself and can make me smile in a way that no boy can.

I let my hair down for those precious minutes because no one is looking and I pose in front of the mirror...for me.

Only I know which clothes make me look absolutely wow. And that I will never wear them in front of another human being. That's because I can still see that love(ly) handle showing but it doesn't matter as only I know. Just the fun of this exercise is good enough to get over a silly mood.

Second best to that is sharing such moments with girlfriends. Only girls can understand other girls, in some things particularly.

There's a reason we go to loo in pairs, and there are reasons why we hug so much, and we have lots to say to each other in the ear. Only we know what our best features are, why we cry, what pain really means, why we get upset when boys talk of porn and that we don't like naughty jokes after a point.

From where I am looking at it, only a woman knows the way to her heart. Men can try to find out. Men should try.

I'm over my silly mood. Just hope my swollen eyes don't give away my little secret tomorrow.

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Dedicated to all the women who can connect with the thought and those who helped me get over my moods.